QUICK NOTE: Past, Present, Future

***

FORGET WHAT YOU HAD IN THE PAST, 

ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE IN PRESENT, 

AND PLAN WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE.

POETRY: THIS IS MY TIME

***

I curse you 
And everyone who does fucked-up things like you!
You took away what had been given to me 
My innocence, my purity 

Out of many people 
I don't know why it would be you 
We belonged with the same blood line 
Yet what you did to me, you didn't mind 

I was so young and dreamy 
And you were old enough to guide me 
All I know is that I could trust you 
Yet you took advantage of me 

The mem'ries, still fresh 
As you move your hand inside my dress 
You kissed me, harassed me 
Looked into me saying nothing 
But that look served as a warning 

I was scared 
I was ashamed 
I fear about what would happen 
If I spill out your dirty secret 
So I hid myself under silence 


Years were added 
And I grew old 
Old enough to think about what had happened 
Old enough to stand up for myself 

And now I saw you 
Staring at me like a beast just like before 
But I won't let anything happen again 
This time, it would be myself who I will defend 

No one was around and you drew near me 
You held my hand and I yelled loud enough 
"This time you will not be the one who'll be satisfied!" 

In a snap, you we're lying down 
Face down on the floor, 
Blood all around 

I was laughing 
Loud and proud 
I continued my insanity 
When someone came around 

Yells and cries 
Echoed the room 
Questions of how's and why's 
Ran through my system 

I do not know the answer, 
I do not know what happened 
Moments later 
Everything sank in 

He took away my innocence 
I took away his life 
How could they say that I was wrong when it felt so right? 

They caught me off guard 
There's nothing left to do 
No more time to hide 


After all, for so many years 
I got what I want 
So I just raise my hands 
As I dropped the knife.

SHORT STORY: THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN...

  Her lips were the sweetest. Her voice was like the angels’. I remember how she would sneak out late at night just to see me. We would go to our usual meeting place, the beach. She would lie down in my arms, exchanging sweet words and kisses. We watched the night sky, made wishes if ever we caught a shooting star in sight and talk about our dreams that we promised to achieve together. She was the first love that I ever had.

  Every night that we had were the warmest as we embrace each other. Tonight, however, is different. It was cold. Tears were flooding down our eyes. The stars didn’t gave the same glow and the beach, not like the usual romantic place.

  “I’m sorry Drew. I don’t want to hurt you anymore and I just can’t hold on to this feeling any longer.” Jasmine, my girl, covering her face, wiping every tears that are falling. “You’ve done your best and gave almost everything to me. It seems like you’re way to good enough for me. I guess you deserve someone else. Someone who’s a lot better than me”, she continued, sobbingreally loud.

  Those were the last words that I heard from her since then. And I, knowing nothing could ever bring her back, have just spent many dark nights crying, getting drunk. My friends blame her for what was happening to me, but I never did the same. I saw her with a new guy and I know she was really happy with him. So I guess it’s my fault that I lost her. I may have lack something. I know it was my fault then.

  Three months have passed and here I am, inside a bar doing the usual thing. Everything seems blurry and I was half drunk. I do not even know what’s happening, all I know is that I’m walking along this narrow aisle.

 "Excuse me! But you're blocking my way!" a cranky lady told me. It was dark so dark that I have not instantly realized that she’s a lady.

 "So? Get out! It's not yours anyway!" I yelled and was about to push her when she gave me a hard punch. I fell on the floor and was badly hurt. I did nothing in return though. She pissed me a lot yet I know she’s a lady so I did nothing in return.

  Aside from that, I remembered nothing at all that night.

  The next day’s a bad day for me. I had a hangover. My head aches a lot yet I pushed myself to get up and be ready for school.

  I am getting my stuffs inside my locker when I saw this pretty lady that caught my attention. She was short, approximately, standing 5 foot. Her hair was as black as the night and her eyes sparkle like the stars. Her lips were cherry red and her skin, fair. I know I’ve seen her before, but I can’t remember when and where. I guess she was the angel in my dream last night.

“What are you looking at, huh?” the lady asked. I do not know what to say. It felt like I was under her spell.

“Oh, nothing. Uh, have we met before? Because you look really familiar.” I asked her. I was too shy and I can’t even remember the words that I’ve said. She looked at me deeply, staring from the head down to my toe.

  “Yes, I guess we’ve met before. You’re the crazy drunk guy at the bar!”

  Now I know why she’s familiar and this is what happened on the second time that we met. She was really cranky and hard to be-friend with. I had a hard time talking to her, even knowing her name. Her attitude is unlike the girls at the school. She was just a normal girl and was quite boyish. She doesn’t flirt nor care about how she looks. That’s Sophia, an ordinary lady who doesn’t mind how people would react to her actions. The lady who does nothing but always catches my attention.

  Time passes by and I started to get to know her. She’s a black belter at Taekwondo. No wonder she punched me really well that night. She’s independent and always does things her way. Every time that we have a chance to be together, we always argue. She wanted to be always right and I just agree to everything she says. Guess she had made me fall really hard. She was really different.

  Year had passed and I confessed my hidden love. I never thought that she felt the same. We’ve been dating for three years and I could say that she wasn’t really that hard to be with. She’s very sweet and caring. She could be the girl that any man wants to have,She told me that she was just really cautious with the people around that’s why she acted like that.

  Our relationship had gone through lots of ups and downs. We do not always have that perfect moment and I could say shit happens sometimes. At times, we still argue and what we had tonight was really bad.

 “How come you’re always right, Sophia! Have I not done anything good!” I yelled. I was really mad and I can’t control the tone of my voice.

 “It seemed like you’re sick and tired of my attitude. Why don’t you just leave me then?” Sophia was sobbing. I rarely see her cry. She’s a very strong person and seeing her like that breaks my heart. I love her. I now I really, really love her.

 “Yes, I am very sick of your attitude! But that’s what you are. And I loved you for who you are Sophia” I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards me. I gave her a tight hug. She hugged me tighter. We were both angry yet by her hug, I could still feel how much she loves me. I have never felt this before. I have never felt being loved like this.

  “I’m sorry Drew”

   “It’s okay my dear. I am sorry for what I have done too”  I kissed her hand and knelt down. I grabbed something from my pocket. I saw more tears coming from her eyes as I showed her a box. It was a tiny red box with a golden ribbon.

  “Sophia, we’ve been together for a long time. What you’ve made me felt is amazing and I just don’t want to lose you anymore. I love you. I love you with all my heart. Sophia, my love, will you marry me?”

  She took a deep breath, wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at me. It took a minute or two for silence. She smiled and it was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. What came after is a moment that I could never forget, I have heard the sweetest words that I long to hear from her.

 “I will. I will Drew. I am more than willing to marry you my dear. I love you.”

   A year had passed and here I am, preparing for our big day. I now this is is the happiest day in my life and today, I will be the luckiest man on Earth. I was about to enter the church when I heard someone calling my name. I turned to look who’s calling. It was Jasmine.

“Hi, I just came to tell you that I’m happy for you. Best wishes! It’s a good thing that you’re really happy now. After all, you deserve that.”

 I do not know what to say. I do not even know why I felt this way. It seemed like my heart had gone heavy. I just took a deep breath and smiled.

“Thank you Jasmine.”

  She smiled but then a tear fell from her eyes. She turned away and I pulled her hand. What happened next was a mistake. A biggest regret that I should have not made. I just kissed her lips and the feeling’s unexplainable.

“Sorry Jasmine. I am sorry.”

“You did nothing wrong. It was my fault. I should have not been here anyway. I have to go.”

 With that, she turned away and what followed is the most unforgettable and most painful moment that had ever happened.

 “You’re lady’s the luckiest. Good luck to both of you.” She walked away.

  “Yes, she is. But that should have been... you”

 **

inspired by Justin Bieber's "That should be me"

CHICKEN SOUP: LOSING THE "US"

"When an emotional injury takes place,

the body begins a process

as natural as the healing

of a physical wound"

 - Mel Colgrove,

from How to Survive the Loss of a Love

  Tonight's story is about Lia and Ben. They had been a couple for about two months. Those two months for Lia, are the  happiest, hardest and most educational months that she has experienced. 

 For her, Ben was the only boy that she would ever love.  Her world revolves only around him that's why when things between them are over, Lia was so down. The next day after their break up, Lia tried to make herself look great to let Ben realize what he had lost. She even talked to him and acted like she was not in pain. But when she's all alone, all she could do is cry herself to sleep every night.

 He was the only thing she thought, dreamt and talked about.  She felt so incomplete knowing that her other half was with him.  She was so hurt knowing that his past love had been dating other girls that's why, she was throwing herself with other guys as well.

 Time goes by and things started to change. She was enjoying herself with her friends. She made herself busy. She discovered things she liked doing. She had fun by herself, letting a whole day passed by without thinking of Ben.

 She was ready to see Ben again but still, not ready to be friends with him. She knew she was still healing. 

 Fortunately, she had been able to move on and found a new love. The wonderful thing she learned now is that  she knows how to be a whole person, not half a couple.  She's in a new relationship now and was happy with it. But she never kept out of her mind about the possible break up, the possible pain and the possible way of moving on.

 As what the famous quote had told, " Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

 **

 This story had told me a valuable lesson and it's about self love. Everyone of us, surely, had experience the power of loving. Loving someone whom we thought would be our only world. Someone who had been a big part of our life. Someone who completes us.

 I admit, I was like Lia before. I loved someone so much that I even thought, I would never ever thought that I would be able to move on from that relationship.

 Good thing I was able to learn the value of self love.  I did all the stuffs that could make me happy. Going to malls, spending time with friends, hanging out with guys and praying.

 At first, I cried all the hurt away, boozing out almost every day. I know all it take is to let myself heal in a slow but sure way.

 Eventually, I had moved on and now, like Lia, had found a new love. Yes, I do love him way too much but I never kept myself from sticking to reality. Breaking up with him is never impossible. 

 However, I am still loving without thinking about what had happened in the past. I know, if shit happened, if I will be pushed to the ground again, and if my heart will be broken AGAIN, I will be able to get up and move on. 

 After all, loving more or loving less will still give pain. So why just not love as if you've never been hurt, right? 

CHICKEN SOUP: GOLD-MEDAL WINNER

  The story is all about Rick and Matthew. Rick is a gold-medalist winner of lifting weight while Matt is an ordinary boy born with an illness called muscular dystrophy, a hereditary muscle diseases that weakens the muscles that move the human body.


 However, growing up with this illness did not let Matt stopped from hoping and dreaming. He didn't cared about how his classmates made fun of him because of his condition. All he cared about is  his hopes for the future, and how one day he would lift weights with Rick.


 When Rick was asked by the principal to pay a visit to him, Matt did not waste his time telling him about this. He even told Rick that someday, when he gets to Olympics, he too, will get a medal and showed it to him.


 Unfortunately, Matt did not made it. Below was the letter that Matt had written to Rick.

 INDEED! MATT'S A CHAMPION! He may have all the reason to stop dreaming, believing, yet he didn't. He is an example of a true fighter. He should be an inspiration to all especially to those who are down, to those who have thought of giving up. Life's not a piece of cake. Struggles come and most of the time, we think that it's not fair.


 But we should remember, as long as we're living, there's hope! There's our Lord God who is with us all the way!


 Continue dreaming and believing and do your best to achieve it. Turn this dream into reality and let no one sop you from doing this. As long as you know you're not stepping nor hurting anyone, go and live your dream! 




















--iamcarolfierce

The dream that woke me up

  The scene was jumping, like that of a movie. I was spreading garlic and salt all over the floor, believing there’s a supernatural creature moving around our place. Then, all of a sudden, I was with my mom and sister. They were both sleeping, but my sister was making an annoying noise. I woke her up, but she didn’t respond to my call. She was moving wildly and screaming, yet she’s still sleeping. I believe she’s having nightmares. I was shouting her name, telling her to wake up but she didn’t. She turned out cold and pale.

 Then everyone was crying, shouting her name. We saw her soul, walking towards us. And then I grabbed her (soul), brought her outside, and tried to revive her with an unprofessionally done CPR. Good heavens! I heard her breathing, her fingers moved as well. Water came out from her mouth and she’s back to life! I hugged her, and thank God she’s alive.

  You may not be getting what I’m trying to tell, but what I have here is a dream. A really bad dream that woke me up bursting into tears. It felt so real that I was literally crying and telling our good Lord to not take my family away from me. Not now, not ever. Yes, it really is a selfish wish since no one could really go against God’s will. He could take anyone he can, when his/ her time is over.  And all that we can do is mourn, reminisce and wish that departed loved-ones of ours were once here with us.

 We say death is really inevitable. No one knows when our time will come. So, if we still have our time to live and be with our family, friends and special someone, take all the time to be with them, make them happy and tell all the things that we could only say through text, emails or worst, our minds only. There’s nothing wrong with telling your mom or dad about how much you love them, nor to your sister about how much you care about them. But if you can’t be with them, a text or call won’t hurt, right?

 After all, we all know how much life is short and that there’s always a way on how we can show our love and care for everyone. Why not grab this opportunity to hug, kiss, hang out and make our family and friends happy.

 This morning was both sad and wonderful at the same time. I just had a dream that woke me up not only physically but as well as mentally and emotionally. It made me realize a lot of things such as the importance of my family. I felt really bad about that dream but, I was thankful at the same time. I really thought a loving sister had passed away. Good thing, it was only just a dream.

Writing: My passion, my dream that is yet to come true.

  I always knew I was born to write! I knew it! My heart and my mind bears with me. However, I feel like it was just a dream, to become an author of a best selling book, nor to have my writings published.

 Way back in primary and secondary years of schooling, I used to write poems. Some teachers also find me excelling in writing essays and articles. I had also been an Editor-In-Chief at our school newspaper. Until now, I'm still writing short stories, poems and novel.

 I had also registered myself on an online writers group. I entered some of my poetry in some contests and unfortunately, none of those entries won. I still feel lucky and happy with this site though, because most of my writings received feed backs. Some maybe negative reviews however, I found those very helpful in my writings.

 How I really wish to become a professional writer. When I was in high school, my ambition is to become a journalist but my dad was against it so I took HRM instead. I still regret not fighting for it. Well, It's my choice anyway so life must still go on.

 I know I can still make this dream of mine come true even if I'm not in the field of writing. I know I could still write and let everyone know about this, but how?

 I write very seldom now. Unlike before, ideas rarely crossed my mind and I can't finish what I've started. I lack motivation, I lack inspiration and I lack confidence. Only few people liked my writings and the saddest part is, even the ones closed to me don't appreciate it. Whenever I think of it, it made me so down.

 But this passion inside me keeps on igniting. It pushes me up and made my hopes high. I know I should blame no one except myself. After all, it's me who's writing, right?

 So the solution to my problem? Go online and look for motivation. Thanks Google! I found this very good article about writing. This made me write again, go on and believe in myself. As what have the ever famous Justin Bieber said, "Never say never!"

 I may not still know what my forte in writing really is but all I know is that, I write because I love doing this. It's a part of me that no one can take away. Even if no one's there for me, writing will be my first love and my best friend.

 So, for all of those who's into writing or even those who have dreams, remember this. Keep on believing and keep on pushing yourself to reach it. There may come a time when all you have is yourself and everything seems to fall into pieces. Still, fight! Life's tough but keep your head up! After all, no one's gonna help you except yourself. Discover yourself. Live for your passion.

  Dreams should not only stay as a dream. Go on, turn it into reality.

--iamcarolfierce