THE JOY OF LOVING... AND GETTING HURT

"It is better to love and lost

than to never have loved at all"

***

 FORBIDDEN LOVE...

    Once, twice or even thrice have I felt myself falling deeply for someone. As a child, my eyes were wide opened with the idea of loving, giving everything and ending up being hurt. So I always wore a precaution sign simply because, I am afraid to enter the world of LOVE.

  

   As I remembered, the first love that I had is something you could call forbidden. It's a love that was something unacceptable to the society.

  At first, everything went really smooth. Things are going "our" way. I don't really give a damn care to anyone who's not in favor of our relationship. I have a belief of my own. And whatever my belief is, I really stand up for it. So, the people around us is not the problem on how we could let our love stand the test of time, but us. 

  Time went by and things were changing. I had been cheated on several times. One of the worst  scenario was when a "friend of mine" in high school was involved. However, I forgave "her" and forced myself to forget it. Unconsciously, forgetting myself as well.

  

    Things went worse when all that was left with me is nothing. I had give my all. Money, time, self, name it, I gave it. It was pretty stupid to not realize everything soon enough. I was left hanging always and all that I would do is chase.

  All the nights I had were cold and gloomy. I was so hurt that I thought that pain I had would never ever go away. I thought that my world is completely falling, crashing into pieces. And my heart, I never felt my heart beating again. Yea, I admit, that was way too much. But how could I know? I was under the spell of love.

  Fortunately, I had my friends around. I was realzing how fun it is if I let myself mingle with other people. If I would not think that “she” will be the only reason why I’m happy. If I knew how to love myself first before anyone.

  Few good months and I’m back on track. I finally let go of the four years relationship that I had. I’m not saying that I have never been happy with this. Of course I did. But I’m happier to let this go and find myself again.

***

ALMOST LOVE...

  Ever heard of Tamia’s song “Almost”. Well, that song’s really good. Good enough to describe the next love that I had.

  I met this guy at school. We became good frieds. We hang out rarely with each other however, those “rare” moments that we had are the moments to be treasured. We texted almost everyday, from “good mornings” to “good nights”. Telling each other to take care. Calling and telling what we’ve been doing.  Doing almost everything that couples do.

  It felt really great to know that my heart’s still functioning well after being broken.

  Sooner, I found myself falling for him, deeper and deeper.

  Everyday I feel bubbly. Even just receiving a text from him made my day complete.  Unfortunately, I fell with the wrong guy. I never thought that he’s a player. I never thought that there’s somebody else. And I never thought that this was just a trap.

  I told him about what I felt thinking that he would tell the same. But what he did is avoid me. It felt really bad. Once again, my heart’s broken.

  It was not that easy to move on and forget everything. What made it even harder is that I never really had him. So it was quite confusing why I’m feeling that way. I do not even know if what I’m feeling was right. All I know is that I have loved him.

  I found myself being with my friends again. Boozing and dating with different guys. But I always kept myself from falling. Sooner, I know just how to play the game. Somehow, it felt good to play around. Playing is way better than getting serious with someone and ending up being hurt. I love myself. I know I love myself more than anyone.

  It was then when I met this old friend.

***

ONE TRUE LOVE...

  He was someone stuck in a “not-so-good relationship”. He was more of giving out everything and receiving less. He was tired of it. I know he was really tired of it.

  We’ve been texting, comforting each other. Well, we’re friends and that’s what good friends do with each other, right? We talk often. Rarely seeing each other. We never thought that this friendship will lead to something else.

  For now, we already have good nine months of being together. Those nine months were filled with happiness, jealousy, pain and everything. Well, that’s what love is all about. Being happy and being hurt.

  I was scared to love again but I believe that the good Lord will never forsake me. I am loving my partner now and forgetting all the hurt that I had before.

  I could say he was far different from the first loves that I had. He’s someone I never thought having but someone I’m afraid losing. He’s someone who had filled out all my emptiness and someone who I want to share my life with. He is someone who loves me just the way I am. And he is someone I will forever be proud of.

 ***

 You see, love's not a game. It should be something someone should get serious with. However, not everyone's looking at love like that. There are times when you'll meet a jerk or an asshole or someone you thought deserves to be loved but was really not.

 So always be careful. We only have one heart. Take good care of it. Know who to love and who to care for. Know when to give and always know that you'll receive the love and care you deserve. 

  If you're stuck in a "not-so-good relationship". Think about it. Do you deserve to stay or it's way better to let things go?

  If you're single. Then that's quite fine. You don't really need someone who'll care for you. You have family and friends around.

  If you're in a relationship, value each other. Don't get too pressured with everything. Relax. Some things may not go your way however, be ready. Don't easily give up and think wisely with what you would say or do. Trust, love and loyalty. Those were just the things you guys needed to survive.

 Life's too short to get serious, to get hurt and to be broken. Strive to be happy always and don't let anyone be your happiness. Be your OWN happiness. In the end, no one's gonna be there for you except you.

P.S.

 If you're lucky enough and love

knocked at your door. Don't EVER let go of it.

--iamcarolfierce